FindArena > Find Arena > Funding

 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1 ()
yughkygsrlxh : My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. We have been living together in his house for 6 months.

How do we split the bills? I earn half of what he earns.

Out of the 7k mortgage, I pay 3k.
I do not pay water and electricity (yet).
I refuse to pay the rates.
I pay half of absolutely everything else.

My IOU's are piling up as I am in way over my head here. He wants to get married next year, but I will be honest, I'm actually put off due to the fact that the IOU's are piling up.

He is not dripping in cash and has no obligation to 'fund' me in any way. We both have to fight for our own money in today's rat race so I can't expect him to assist me.

I don't want to move back to my parents, but I can't forsee myself living with the IOU's piling up either.



What kind of life am I headed for in marriage if it is starting to look like this? I am already moonlighting to fight for extra cash but this is starting to tire me out.

I wash the dishes, do the washing, ironing (most of it), clean the rooms, make the beds, change the linen, clean the lounge after a night of tv on the sofa. He mows the lawn and does the gardening on weekends. I also cook most of the time unless we braai, then I make veggies, salad, set the table while he braais and has a drink with friends - I do make it out to sit with them for maybe half an hour and then at the end of the night again!

I feel overworked and don't want to start resenting my life. In the same breath, I know that as I am not able to contribute enough, I am required to do MORE around the house according to him.

We both work full time but I hardly think this is fair. This is one fight we constantly have with one another. I've even hired a maid and offered to pay half of that just to relieve my duties and allow me time to moonlight again!

What is fair, what is not and where do I draw the line here? I sometimes think I'll be better off on my own.
  Reply With Quote
  #2 ()
xxldoctttibr : ...
  Reply With Quote
more..
  #3 ()
RicyKcn 571 : You are not required to pay as much as him if you don't make as much. It should be percentage of your income. For example if he makes 2k week and you make 1k then 50% for him is 1k and $500 for you. If your are in a committed relationship there should be no IOU's. You are there to take care of each other. PS tear those IOU's up now if things go sour not sure if he could say he loaned you the money and those are your agreements to pay them back. You can also go to a financial planner. Alot of banks provide this service free for customers. Clergy is also a good place to get help. Moneys is the root to most relationship problems get it figured out now cause it wont get any better. Couples don't fight over money they fight over the lack of it.
  Reply With Quote
  #4 ()
WronryCok : If you can not come to a place where the two of you both agree on what is fair and lets face it your not doing then you are not ready to be living together. It does not sound like he wants to help and support you so I'd question his motives for wanting to live with you, it almost sounds like he wants unpaid help and assistance to pay the bills rather than be with his partner because he wants to be with her. I would recommend moving out and living on your own at least then you will appreciate your own efforts and not feel resentful and used.

What is right for one couple is not the same for the another. WE decided I would work from home at least for now so as not to harm the relationship due to his work patterns, that means we get time for each other and the children, it does however mean that my income is less right now than it could be so he picks up the slack in that. The money that comes in we view as ours not his or mine and we don't bicker over things like that, that works for us it wouldn't for some others. I know others who split bills and household equally even when one has a lot more than the other and if it works for them good on them.
  Reply With Quote
  #5 ()
Quamserorse : 50/50 is fair with everything. If you do chores and he doesn't then the money can slide. His salary is his and he earns it. Partnership is 50/50 contribution how ever you choose to dice it up
  Reply With Quote
  #6 ()
Aredaqueerb : I have 2 dogs, the first is a very playful, outgoing 9 month old pit/lab female puppy (Zoey). My other dog, however, is a very aggressive 4 year old male dalmation/lab (Beau). He is not people or dog friendly at all, and only tolerates people he knows/trusts. Which is a very small circle.

Anyway, I just get home and I take the dogs outside. I barely make it a couple steps outside my doorstep and I see my neighbor's ten year old kid headed my way. I call out to her and warn her that the big dog is dangerous and not to come near. Mind you, Beau (the aggressive dog) is already barking at her and his hackles are raised. She doesn't listen and continues to come towards me. I get a tighter grip on Beau's leash and she's about ten feet away from me at this point. I tell her again, don't come near me my dog will bite you! She still does not listen, and instead smartly declares "I know THAT, I want to see Zoey". I try to wrap up Beau's leash as tight to me as I can but its turning into a little bit of a struggle at this point because he's a 90 lb muscular dog and hes pulling against me and so is Zoey. As soon as the girl reaches to pet Zoey Beau lunges forward and ends up biting her hand pretty badly.

She's hysterical and I rush to put my dogs in the house. By the time I turn around to find the girl and see how bad he bit her, her father is standing there yelling at me! I explained to him I was really, really sorry but I warned her. And truly I was sad she got bit even though she was kind of a brat. She ended up getting stitches and he wants me to pay! I told him no way. My dog was leashed and I told her not to come near me, it was his fault for not watching his own child.

This all happened on the public sidewalk (we live in townhouses so very close from sidewalk to front door). He's also threatening to have my dog put down. My dog is not a psychotic blood thirsty demon-dog, he's just not friendly towards strangers. If you don't approach him, make eye contact, etc, he will ignore you completely. You have to invade his space to set him off, which this girl obviously did.

I really don't have the money to pay for the medical bill of this child and I really don't want my dog put to sleep, and I cant afford the annual 'dangerous dog' fee. However, this altercation happened on a public sidewalk. So do I have a legal leg to stand on?
  Reply With Quote
  #7 ()
reetemics : When bringing a dog out in public that you know to be aggressive, you're just asking for trouble. At the very least, you should have had him muzzled.

Though she was in the wrong for approaching the dog that you warned was aggressive, the fact that the dog was being aggressive before she even got near it tells everyone that the dog most likely would have attacked her even if she hadn't tried to pet either dogs. On public sidewalks, no one should have to go to the other side of the street to allow someone walking dogs to pass unless they want to. If a dog is so vicious that it can't be trusted not to lash out at passing strangers, then I'm pretty sure that they're going to force you to put the dog down.
  Reply With Quote
  #8 ()
Smaluemelmisy : get another job and pray your dog is not euthanized ... when the kid continued to approach you should have yelled at the kid, you should have put yourself between the kid and the dog ... you know exactly who your dog is capable of and you allowed this bite to happen ... you should be ashamed, not making excuses, calling the kid a brat or putting exclamation marks for the father yelling at you ... you better pay up and you are also going to need to deal with the legal ramifications of you being unable to control a child and a dog because by law the hospital will report this dog bite ... and stitches being involved it was not a nip, it was a serious bite ... if you yelled at that child, if you swore at that child to back the fuck up from both dogs, none of this would have happened ... the kid was not a brat, the kid just ran into a clueless dog owner who can not control her own dogs and then whines about having to pay the medical bills ... maybe get that biter a muzzle asap so when animal control comes to get your dog it will look as if you care ...
  Reply With Quote
  #9 ()
plotolacy : If you can't afford to pay the dangerous dog fee then you are going to have a really hard time taking this to court- and that is exactly what is going to happen if you do not try to settle this matter.
I would just pay for the stitches- your insurance should cover any damage that your dog causes, but I doubt they would fork out to cover you through a court case if it came to you fighting to keep your dog from being euthenased.

You know that your dog is aggressive and will bite strangers and strange dogs- why the hell are you walking him without a muzzle? This bite was inevitable- there are steps that you could have taken to prevent it including training your dog or at least muzzling him in public- and you chose not to take any of these steps. Yes you can warn people not to come close- but as you have already seen- children are not always 100% aware of the risks- particularly when they are focused on something else- but what happens if there was a child or person who did not speak English, or was deaf, or there was an unleashed dog that approached you on your walk?

You were on public property- even though you were following leash laws you were still not really being a responsible dog owner. The child's father has every right to request you pay for the medical bills and every right to request the dog be put down.
I would do my best to keep the guy happy.
  Reply With Quote
  #10 ()
fivefingerslo : This will probably be decided in a court. Your town may have a hearing officer for altercations like this. I would contact the animal services department and ask about your rights as a dog owner. I would also contact a lawyer.
On your side, you did have the dogs on leash and they were controlled until the child deliberately approached. You did warn the child off. If you had protected your dog with a long pole or walking stick, the father would most likely have squawked.
Not on your side, you knew the dog had a propensity to bite but you took him out in public without a muzzle. Also, your control was not absolute. An aggressive dog needs extra training to be under your control at all times or he should not be put where he could be a threat to others. I have and have had aggressive dogs but I will not allow them to ignore their leash training when we are out.
  Reply With Quote